A question came to my attention this morning. Do I feel myself unworthy of life’s goodness? In my active thoughts, no, the idea never crosses my mind — I do not think myself unworthy. But do I “feel” unworthy and do those feelings manifest themselves?
If I analyze the details of my life, there does seem to be a pattern of low self-worth. I’m often forgotten about and tend to go unnoticed, I live in a most meager manner, I’m quite removed from the external world, not bothering to participate. And the little I do try to contribute goes largely unnoticed.
But it’s such an odd circumstance because I don’t say these things to myself, yet the evidence seems to suggest otherwise. In my thoughts, I justify my situation in a way that satisfies, I’m not riddled with frustration or angst. But it’s true that I don’t live in a setting I find agreeable and it’s true that I’d prefer to be on a higher rung in society’s ladder.
I can dismiss these materialistic meanderings, but I don’t like the idea of my character feeling unworthy and behaving as such. My pitiful character is receiving the insufficient lifestyle he feels he deserves. No, this won’t do at all — I’ll simply not have it! I must therefore take a concerted effort to reverse this poor fellow’s fortunes.
Goodness, I just had no idea. Of course the clues are all around now that I’m looking, but I suppose I’ve been a bit too self-centered, always focusing inward, not enough on my surroundings. Hm, but how to proceed. I’ll just have to start by bolstering this fellow’s confidence in himself and instilling feelings of worthiness.
Do you hear that, you lamentable brute, I’m going to fix you up good!