Train of Thought

Growing up I believed existence was an organic experience fraught with unending struggle. I believed I needed to be wary of every circumstance because my survival was always at risk. Wrong answers or missteps were not an option lest I take one step closer to death’s doorstep. I was paranoid, anxious, and hesitant. With such an outlook, I did not enjoy my time on planet Earth.

After a few decades, I dumped that perspective. Perhaps I was finally fed up with the unpleasant feelings it produced. Artifacts still linger but I’ve been working on those. For instance, my default reactions tend toward the negative so I have to continually ignore or dismantle them. But it’s not ideal to be on the defensive, so recently I started taking an offensive approach.

The battleground has only ever been within my imagination. I imagined the worst aspects of everything. I can quite easily visualize a torrent of catastrophic outcomes. So it’s time to put that same level of dedication and sincerity into imagining the best and most delightful outcomes. Without taking this extra step of instilling positivity, I can only ever fluctuate between neutral and negative.

I was in reverse for so long. I finally achieved neutral. Now I’m ready to put it into drive. Now I’m ready to believe in the goodness of life. I’m ready to believe in happy endings and health and prosperity and appreciation — all aboard the happy train. And all it takes is a long step in the opposite direction — imagining what I want instead of what I don’t want.

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