Sometimes I analyze my character, wondering what my role is.
While in school, I was complimented for my performance (and my good behavior), but I found school boring and just did what was needed to get by. I performed well on tests and seemed to grasp the material better than most classmates. If I was motivated to read the textbook, I got an A. Family wise, my academic performance was beyond that of my parents and siblings, who were a bit below average.
People assume I’m an avid reader, but I’m not. As a child I watched endless amounts of television, but many of those shows were educational or informative. In general, I just seem to know things. I can sound authoritative at times, but other times I just babble on and people wonder why they ever listened to me. I seem capable of understanding complex topics and have demonstrated a practical application of this at times. Other times, I’m incapable of doing the seemingly simple.
But as in school, I only seem to do just enough to get by. To be honest though, active participation has never been that interesting, I’d rather sit and think. Consequently, in terms of income, I’m below par. That’s not to say I want to live in poverty, I’d much rather live in a place that aligns with my preferences. I’ve often thought that I won’t be appreciated until I’m older — and from what I’ve gathered, the peak of career success is typically during one’s forties and fifties. I’ve always felt and behaved as a much older person, perhaps when my physical age and personality align, things will work out more optimally.
Who am I supposed to be while I’m here? Am I someone people should listen to? I’ve chatted with others and they’ve told me how wise I sound. But I’ve also been told I’m an idiot, which is why I don’t advocate anything in this blog — I’m not claiming to speak as an authority, it’s more of a reality show staring my thoughts — people can make of them what they will. Personally, I enjoy reading this blog and find the material fascinating. Oftentimes I write through different voices, and no one really represents me, not even this one.
Is there a role for everyone to play — or are we merely drifting along? Ultimately, I don’t care and it doesn’t trouble me. It’s just another thing I think about.